Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Jay Johnston is a sorceror

I want to take a moment to discuss with you a topic that is of utmost importance. I think Jay Johnston is trying to subliminally control us all. You may think you don’t know who he is, but trust me; you do. Jay Johnston plays “Officer Jay McPherson” on the Sarah Silverman Program, the mustachioed American who is married to Sarah’s crazy hot nurse sister. Seriously, people go on and on about how hot Sarah Silverman is, but I don’t see it. Her sister though is quite simply crazy amounts of hot. Why has no one mentioned this yet? And bear in mind that Sarah Silverman is seriously like 53 years old. She was on SNL when Chevy Chase was a cast member, I am not freaking lying. Look it up if you have to. Oh, it was during Chris Elliot’s tenure. My bad. You know he wrote a book about a time travelling detective and was sued by the creators of Boiler Plate, the Victorian Era Supersoldier/Robot? None of that is made up.

A few weeks ago I was watching a rerun of the Sarah Silverman Program on Comedy Central, and despite the constant intake of Red Bull and amphetamines I take for legitimate medical reasons, I was feeling inordinately groggy and suggestible. The feeling lasted for approx 22 minutes, then I was back to my normal state of confused agitation and was taking apart the telephone for the fourth time that day. I had the strangest feeling of déjà vu, that for some reason JJ (my pet name for Mr Johnston) was entirely too familiar-as was my general feeling of malaise and impressionability . Then it struck me… JJ is one of the most prolific actors playing the roles of cops in comedy setting stretching back for over a decade! His influence goes back into the last freaking millennium for Christ sakes! Look at this list here:

Community ('10)
The Sarah Silverman Program ('07-'10)
Reno 911! ('09)
Last Laugh '06 ('06)
Arrested Development ('04-'05)
Hollywood Palms ('01)
Tenacious D ('00)
Desperate But Not Serious ('99)
Mr Show (’98)

We're onto you, bastard!

In all of these shows he has played a law enforcement officer of one type or another. And suspect that we are being hypnotized during each of his appearances as a cop in these shows. I do not know who is behind this… Hollywood, Freemasons, The Government, The Devotants of Mahlegeth, or Jay “Undead Sorcerer of Great Power” Johnston himself, but I need to find out. Please let me know if you have any leads, as this insidious conspiracy has to end. Jay Johnston is a menace, and I just need the “proof” and “evidence” and “motive” to prove it.

Jeez, what does he have against Oscar Bluth!


  1. I'm sorry but if you can't see how hot sarah silverman is, then it is you, my friend, who is under the influence of some pernicious voodoo spell. You should be on the lookout for the source of the witchcraft, but you're obviously unable to see the true symptoms (a lack of appreciation for Ms. Silverman) because the spell has clouded your mind.

  2. Nope. Laura is x10000 hotter than her sister. Perhaps it is part of the evil spell/government sponsored brainwashing inflcited upon me by JJ, but my mind is made up.

  3. Welcome back to blogging Tom.

    The only reason you love this guy is the 'stache

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